i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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