you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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