i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
