rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
