I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
