We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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