girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
