ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
