I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
