I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
