i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
