if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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