yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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