it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
