I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
