I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
