I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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