I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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