bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
