Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
