My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
