i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
