Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
