Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
