my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
