So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
