Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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