shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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