I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
