YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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