i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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