i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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