words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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