well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
