I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
