hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
