Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
