Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
