You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
