I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
