I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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