I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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