I will die if light touches me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
