I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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