I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
