dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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