you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
