she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
