I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
