Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
