His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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